The Blessingway Quilt

Aruna is 1 today.  Christmas dinner is cooking, courtesy of my dear husband this year.  We've had a relaxing day with stockings, gifts and good cheer all around.  And soon, we will remember her birthday too.  I've saved her gifts for the afternoon, so it will feel like a moment just for her on this special day.

My mother, the quilting artist, passed me Aruna's quilt about a month ago at her christening.  Wow, wow, wow, was all I could say.  She has incorported the fabric scraps that my friends gave me at the Blessingway, 1 year ago, as well as her own fabrics to make a sun bonnet quilt that I, and hopefully Aruna, will treasure for the rest of her days.  One of the fabric scraps was actually a strip of labels, that she sent off to the important and closest relatives to write a message on for Aruna.  These have been incorporated into the back of the quilt, along with a tiny soft blanket from my hynobirthing practitioner that just couldn't be cut up.

The result is just gorgeous:

the front 'sun bonnets'

the back, quilted soft baby blanket

the back, labels from all of us

A Difficult Decision

I've come up against a few hurdles trying to arrange home schooling for William for 1 day a week.  The head teacher at his school is very supportive of the idea, which has been very encouraging, because 1 day a week will give us a good balance.  It will satisfy my need to be closer to my son while he is still so young, and he will benefit by more daytime one-to-one with me, yet he will still spend most of his week socialising at school.  And, I've got all these ideas about what we can do together that just aren't really possible at the end of a school day.

Up to now, progress had been glacial.  I first brought up the idea with the head teacher on the first day of term in early September. Initially, I think she was quite surprised - it was an unusual request.  However, we had a few meetings to discuss things, and she could see where I was coming from and was won over.  We even left things on one occasion where she would investigate the possibility using an 'educated off-site' code to apply to his attendance. 

Attendance.  That's the big issue.  The school's, that is.  They have problems keeping their numbers up, despite 'interventions'.  I'm guessing this is something to do with the catchment area and pupil mix.  Now, I don't fully understand schools in England.  There are so many different kinds now: state, voluntary aided, grammar, and so on.  Our Lady of the Immaculate is a voluntary aided Catholic primary school, so, as far as I understand it, they are answerable to the local authority and the board of governors.  So, my wishes have been vetoed by the Attendance Officer, and the governers weren't too keen either.  The ironic thing is that William's attendance is likely to be very high: he is not often very poorly, and we never take him out just on a whim.  Also, they don't have the resources to monitor what we are doing, despite my idea to keep a portfolio with pictures, projects, evidence of our activities.  I did scrunch up my eyebrows at this point.  The idea of monitoring seems a bit Big Brotherish.   

So, they can't officially sanction it.  It is a disappointing outcome, especially as I had understood that flexi-schooling was an agreement between the school and the parent, and not really anything to do with the local authority.  A shame because it looked like there was going to be a good partnership between parent and school.

As I had been worrying that this might happen, the prospect of home schooling full-time has crossed my mind several times recently.  It's a decision I've been grappling with because William is clearly enjoying his experience at school and is flourishing.  His teacher is so kind, exactly what I'd hoped for for him in his first year there.  And, I lack the full support of my dear husband on completely de-registering.  So, back to square one.  How can we capture those precious moments, steeped in learning together in these tender early years when, too quickly, the weeks slip by with the obligatory routines and schedule of life?

The Squirrel Mentality

It is a curious mixture of envy and empathy that I feel when I think of those people who just have five versions of the same outfit so there is no time wasted deciding what to wear and something clean each day.  Luxury.  It's not that I really have trouble deciding what to wear anymore though; these days, I just wear the same thing for five days.  The underwear drawer only needs to be opened about 2 inches because the top 5 or 6 pairs just get recycled.  I cannot remember what lurks deeper in the drawer, let alone when I last wore any of it.

Since space is such a premium here, I could always open the drawer a bit further, take out everything that is beyond 2 inches deep and throw it out.  I obviously don't need any of it to survive day to day.  If I did that to all the drawers in the chest (the same thing happens to a greater or lesser degree in each of the others), I could just then amalgamate everything into one drawer, and maybe, perhaps just put away some clutter, or better yet, enjoy the lightness of the drawers as I open them, their uncrammedness.  Sigh.  Unfortunately, it would only be a matter of time before they just filled up again.

I was never that good at clearing things out, being raised by a war-born hoarder, make-do-and-mender.  This does present a dilemma for me.  Whilst there is something I love about making do and mending, I am quickly overwhelmed by the creeping presence of clutter.  In recent times, I have become better at throwing out, but now have even less time and space to to it because of the demands of the children and family life.  So, every day is a dance of reordering, half-finished consolidating and picking it up and putting it down again after thinking the better (or worse) of it.  Yes, I can use that cardboard fruit pastilles tube (for some unspecified children's craft project).  No, I have looked at it 25 times lying there, nagging at me to be decisive about its fate.

[No photo this time - who wants to look at clutter?!]

My squirrel mother always said to me that as soon as you throw it out (even if you haven't worn/used it for 20 years) you'll think of a use for it the next day.  Now, there are flaws to this kind of guilt-inducing reasoning.  One is that of course you'll think of a use because you've just been reminded of its presence in the cupboard when, if you had just given permission to a trusted spouse/friend/etc to throw anything from said bag/container out without giving you so much as a chance at a glance, then you'd have, quite happily, remained none the wiser.  The other flaw is that it possibly stifles creativity because, if said item is just so perfect for x/y/z, that doesn't allow you the freedom to consider what alternatives you do have that CAN be put to good use.

The squirrel oft chirrups "a place for everything and everything in its place".  Sadly, the reality is more like "a thing for every other thing and everything squeezed in between 2 other things".  When I do have the rare occasion to go through some bursting nook or cranny, I rediscover some previous efforts at consolidation lying therein and spend a moment marvelling at how times and needs change, and even values, and the sometimes mind-boggling processes I went through once upon a time deciding to stow away such paraphernalia.

My dear husband is a passive accumulator of things (by passive, I mean, just genuinely inattentive to disposal and order with the daily trappings of life), whereas I am cursed (genetically) to be the active one.  This is very dangerous, since we took on our rented garage to give us more flexibility with the space constraints in the house.  "But it's a wonderful restoration project", I squeal, when in fact, if I really look around, there is a wonderful restoration project around every corner and I could afford to let this one go.  Maybe.

Freedom is that moment when I can simultaneously say "to hell with it" and throw it out and reconcile myself to being more creative with what's left over, turning that guilt into inner peace.

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NB The strong caveat throughout here is of minimal waste to landfill, "throwing out" being a general term for passing on, recycling, giving to charity, making a concerted effort to use up, or if all else fails, committing to waste.  My newest challenge is how to maintain inner peace and household harmony and use the bin less. I am uncomfortable knowing that most of what we throw in the bin will long outlast us in landfill, in some cases, by hundreds of years.  That is a sobering thought.

No More 'Poo

For 30-odd years, I have been wedded to shampoo and never thought anything different about it.  Well, actually, I do remember wondering how hippy folk with dreadlocks who said "hair cleans itself" managed, when what I saw didn't seem so "clean".  Being somewhat crunchy nowadays myself, although dreadlocks wouldn't really suit me, I am enjoying departing from the flock in so many areas of life and, dare I say it, feel like shouting about it from the rooftops! 

* * * * I've given up shampoo! * * * *

If that has the ring of someone hailing their lost vice, it is for good reason.  My hair feels great!  (Who was it that said the recently converted shout the loudest?!) 

Being rather sheepish in my ways, I am often wary of trying something new and drastic until I've seen what happens to others first.   After considering it for some time (the Contemplation stage*), I have taken a leaf or two from other no-poo-ers' experiences and finally gone ahead.


I haven't used shampoo for about a month now, hopefully long enough to make an objective assessment of the results.  But first, it may help to provide a bit of background as to the thought processes I've been through to get to this stage.

Once upon a time, I worked in a molecular laboratory, where we used SDS (or SLS: sodium lauryl sulphate), a detergent found in most shampoo, shower gels etc, in DNA extractions to lyse the cells (ie break them open!).  It is an efficient oil-stripper, and an irritant, so, not having the sort of job where I smear myself with major grease and dirt everyday, I began to ask myself why we were using this on our bodies.  After a trial and error process over some years, I had settled on using Dead Sea Spa Magik mineral shampoo as it was the only one I could use that wouldn't exacerbate the seborrhoeic dermatitis that I've been mildly bothered by for a long time.  (And it isn't made by Unilever! Yay!)  It is actually a really nice shampoo, with many agreeable ingredients, although having long hair, I had to use a tonne of it to get a full lather.  It doesn't contain SLS, but it does contain a surfactant derived from coconut, so will have some oil dispersing properties, although thankfully not akin to the likes of Fairy Liquid.  It is more expensive than ordinary shampoo.  So, on my life-simplifying and naturifying journey, it is another product I have consigned to the what-you-can-LIVE-without pile.

Reading around, the most popular natural alternative to shampoo seems to be bicarbonate of soda.  So, I bought myself a large bag (3 kg actually).  I calculated that this should last approximately 1 year, and cost less than £10.  (And, it has many other household uses......)

The Basic Method


1) Add 1 T bicarb to a squeezy bottle (an ordinary used squeezy shampoo bottle would also do, but you might have trouble getting the powder in if the hole is small) while in shower/bath (or maybe before your hands get wet)
2) Get your hair all wet
3) Add ~1 cup water to your bicarb and give it a good shake
3) Squirt all over your roots and give your scalp a good massage.
4) Rinse

I tried making it before I got into the shower one day, but by the time I came to wash my hair, the solution had cooled down - so, unless you want a sitz bath on your head, add the warm water just before using it.  Having long hair, I also found I needed to use more like 1.5 T (20-25 ml) in a bit more than 1 cup H2O, but I am still experimenting with slight alterations to concentrations and volumes. 

Initial Results

For the first week or two, my scalp went through an oil rebalancing process.  My hair felt a bit straw-like and the midlengths were sticky and felt unclean.  I began to wonder what the heck I was doing, but things soon improved and my confidence was renewed.  Then I began to use some vinegar to add condition and shine.  The recipe is basically as above, although I use slightly less than 1 T vinegar because it can lead to increased greasiness.  Many no poo-ers are using apple cider vinegar, although I am not sure what the advantages are over basic distilled malt vinegar except perhaps its naturalness.

My hair, washed about 3 days ago:

It looks and feels fine.  The next part of my hair story will be a celebration of GREY!  Or, in my case, white.  I am also giving up hair colouring because I am fed up of the maintenance now that the ageing process is well underway.  Meanwhile, if anyone knows of any good natural violet rinses to tone down yellowness in the coloured sections of my dyed white hair, please let me know.


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*I refer to the Transtheoretical Model of Change here because, although somewhat more benign than smoking or drinking alcohol, washing my hair is something other than conventional shampoo has been a big step for me to take.

The Thinking Chair

William has gotten off to a very good start at his new school.  I never had any doubt that he would, although I did feel some trepidation (for myself) at this new form of parting.  School has changed since I was young, evidently. So far, I am seeing positive changes.  I know he is only in Reception, but there seems to be so much more freedom for children to follow their interests as they emerge in each moment and for the teachers to facilitate that.  It is less didactic and rigid, thank goodness.  And, there are only 22 in his class.

I have conferred with the Head Teacher about the possibility of flexi-schooling, one day a week.  She is a warm, calm personality, and my brief conversations with her have contributed to my optimism about the future at the school.  She was possibly a little bit surprised by my idea though, and I sensed, very slightly disappointed, though she didn't show it.  She had come across the idea before, and agreed to look into things from her side, while I did my best to reassure her that this was not due to any doubt about him having an enriching experience at the school.  I envisage that we will do things to complement any themes they might be exploring at school.  I want to be an integral part of his learning experience, to share with him and spend that time with him while he is so young, that hopefully, when he is all grown up, we will both look back on and remember with joy.  (I always seem to be projecting myself far into the future and imagining myself looking back, but please, be assured, I do my best to live in the present!)

So, at the end of each day, we talk about how his day has gone.  The other evening, he told me about the Thinking Chair.  This got my full attention.  It is a place for children to go and sit when they have done something naughty, he said.  So they can think about what they've done.  He also said he didn't want to sit on the Thinking Chair, he wanted to be a good boy.  *gulp* *raised eyebrows*

"Do you think it is a good idea?" I said.  Evidently, he was all for it.

Then he told me about the "Star of the Day".  This is basically the opposite of the Thinking Chair.  When someone has been very "good", ie showing an act of kindness, done all the tidying up, etc, they may be nominated Star of the Day. 

We had a discussion about the merits of these behaviour modification tools, well, as much as one can have with a 4 year-old who is already a total convert, apparently.  He even asked if we could have them at home too.  I thought about this for more than a moment.  Perhaps we actually could?  But we would use them slightly differently.  Anyone at home could be Star of the Day, but it would be more like paying a complement to them, rather than it having to be earned by doing a good deed.  So, we could have a special chair, where the someone could be showered with praise and admiration by everyone else, a sort-of feel-good, ego-bolstering zone.  And, as far as the Thinking Chair is concerned, that could also be a place where one would go voluntarily after a moment of strife (including grown-ups).  So, for now, carrots are to remain in the fridge and sticks (even psychological ones) will stay in the yard.

Reduce, Re-Use, Recycle IV

PLASTIC

Recently, I have been pondering on whether it would be possible to eliminate plastic from our lives.  Alas, I have to concede that complete elimination seems impossible, so, for now, I'll settle for a full-scale reduction.  It has been a busy fortnight for me, with visitors, and William starting school, but I've found myself thinking hard about the different areas of our lives where we are consuming plastic and feel I am poised to take a plunge into a radical change, even if it is executed in a bit-by-bit manner. 

For a while, I have already been working on a couple of areas, such as toiletries and toys.  I always hated loads of plastic bottles lying around in the bathroom - ugly, ugly, ugly - in part, due to a desire for a more natural way of caring for my skin/body/hair and that of the children, and also, in part, due to a general cynicism about the way a small number of very large corporations would like us to believe we need all these things just to stay alive in the modern world.  So, paring down in that area has been relatively easy, and I'm fizzing with ideas about making our own soap, ditching shampoo for baking soda and maybe changing to henna and indigo for colouring my hair.  (More on these coming soon....) 

I've started having conversations with William about plastic toys, especially battery-operated ones.  To get him used to the idea, make it a family philosophy.  I have rarely, if ever, bought new plastic toys for him, preferring natural materials, and, for heaven's sake, normal, everyday objects that a child would find interesting.  (Do they really need toys?  An argument for another day, perhaps.)  I do buy second-hand toys, and inevitably, more of these are plastic.  I have several leftover from my own childhood, which, in a way, is a particularly nice form of recycling and I probably won't part with these in a hurry.


But, a somewhat larger challenge that we are to face is in the kitchen.  And I don't mean cling film and sandwich bags, because we hardly ever use those.  I mean this:

This is an example of how slack (aka 'convenience') things have gotten in the grocery aisle.  This particular supermarket seems to have a lot of prepackaged items, and, for the purposes of this blog, this illustration is slightly exceptional for us.  We buy loose where possible, but if we order in, there is an even larger mountain of plastic to wade through before we find the carrot at the bottom.  Cucumber doesn't need to be shrink-wrapped!  Why not use punnets made of card or other compostable material for the soft fruits?  Actually, the bag containing carrots, in this case, is compostable, but nothing else is.  And, why, oh why are so many different types of plastic used - LDPE, PET, PP, HDPE, polystyrene, and other unidentifiable materials - making recycling so difficult?  We are currently only able to put HDPE into our doorstep recycling.  My angry side wants to just take it all, after saving it up for several months of course, and dump it on the supermarket forecourt!  So, our purchasing strategies are going to take a turn for the better, more socially responsible and community-spirited as we support more local small businesses and direct ourselves into a new way of feeding ourselves.  (NB This is all while the allotment is in a more, er, quiescent phase during Aruna's first year.)

Some well-timed inspiration came recently when I came across the blog of another family who have already taken that plunge.

Ultimately, a huge amount of plastic ends up floating in the oceans' gyres as ever-shrinking particulate matter, entering the food chain at the lowest levels, and, ultimately, our own bodies, higher up.  So, what we thought we threw away....  I am of the mindset that it should be difficult, a privilege, to get extra packaging like this, but sadly, it is the opposite - unwanted, wasteful and will contribute to a global legacy that will haunt us, I'm sure, for decades to come.

Friends, Dreams and Ideals

A rare quiet moment at home.  Aruna asleep next to me, William, Raj and Matt (visiting for Raj's birthday) are gone to the supermarket for supplies.  We have lots of social engagements at the moment, in addition to domestic ones.  The diary does keep me alert where I would otherwise be content to live simple, quiet days at home with the children.   It is probably due to the children that many diary entries are present.   I speak of these dates in a detached manner just now because I don't want to touch them, see them, hear them, I am so enjoying the peaceful near-solitude.  Really I am a very social creature, I just fancy myself a reclusive little hermit because it never lasts long (and is therefore, all the more desirable?).

I have treasured all the visitings, hugs and smiles that we have been blessed with of late.  Friends' weddings, meeting children for the first time, reunions, and catching up.  The summer has rewarded us, if not with the weather.   At some point, this little era will end and a new one begin.  In less than two weeks, William starts school.   It will be like my quiet moment just now, a moment passed, as I hear the voices floating up from downstairs and my reverie interrupted.  Then I will look back and say, that was how it was.

My little boy is going to school.   Where has that time gone.   I am excited and nervous for him.   Just why I feel this way, I'm not sure, because he's already been to two nursery schools and seems completely nonplussed by it all.  Probably to do with him growing up and growing away from me.  I am eager to explore the possibility of flexi-schooling, or, home schooling part-time (really, in our case, probably more unschooling).  I have an ideology and am keen to experience it all with William, the good and the bad, at least one day a week if I can.   Or maybe it will just be a continuation of life as it is at present.  (There are so many reasons I feel keen to do this - and, for all you cynics, benefits to doing this - that perhaps I should dedicate a whole post just to them.)

Autumn approaches and I always get excited about the prospect of a new term starting.  I don't know exactly where this came from because my own experience of school was so variable.   I do remember particularly enjoying stocking up on school stationery and feeling the cooler weather drawing in.  Of course, it's not all about the stationery, but one can do so much with a pencil and paper.  Write.  Draw.  Create!  I do know that I love learning and this opportunity to guide, facilitate and share in my children's experiences of learning about life and the world is a wonderful obligation bestowed upon me because I am a mother.

We have talked a lot about other dreams, our dreams for the future.  We were very surprised to learn that our friend Matt also wants to build a house and make it energy self-sufficient.  I have not posted about this before, and this topic is definitely worth a post, or maybe even a whole new blog, of its own.  Watch this space...  The dream of the eco-build is strengthening and taking on new meaning every day.

Cute Crafts and Humble Repairs

I've recently been learning to crochet and I have to say - I LOVE IT!  I am now having visions of myself beavering away with balls of yarn for hours on end over years to come.  Well, maybe more like snatching a few minutes here and there until the children leave home.

I happen to have a soft spot for baby legwarmers and they are so useful for keeping baby warm on colder days in the sling. I found a simple pattern on the web here and made up a pair for Aruna in baby alpaca with the addition of an extra cuff at the bottom.

 

Make Do and Mend


My mum was visiting recently, and since we are both lovers of needlecraft, we were hatching a plan to go to the big sale at the local haberdashery which started at 6 pm on a Wednesday.  Now 6 pm in our house is crazy time.  We all sit down to dinner, then it's bathtime for the children, baby massage, storytime, bedtime, sigh, flop, zzzzzz.  Ok, sometimes I try to stay awake!  Aruna is 6 months old now.  As such, she sleeps a little loner at night, and occasionally I dare to catch up on a few jobs after she's tucked up in bed.  So, as it happened, the children were in bed in good time, and I had my first 'night out'!  To the sale at the haberdashery.  In my t-shirt with food wiped on the shoulder.  Not stopping to look twice in the mirror, mum and I jumped in the car and sped off to the store, only a few minutes away.  We were only gone for an hour, during which Raj was under strict instructions to keep a close watch on Aruna, and it was very strange leaving her, but I had a wonderful time, and spent too much money.  It was too good to miss though, and I got quite a lot of gorgeous yarn and some lovely print cotton fabrics to satisfy all the ideas that keep bubbling up in my head. 

The first of which was a humble repair of an old favourite cardigan.  I wonder how many people would bother to mend a holey cardigan nowadays...  It is cashmere though, so it was worth it.  The elbows were worn through, so I had taken to wearing it with the sleeves rolled up.  The pictures below don't really do the colour much justice, but I am now happy to say the cardigan is, once again, in regular use.  I just have to find that missing button next....

Good boy

 At dinnertime, my son remarked to me that he was a good boy because he'd eaten most of his dinner.  I suppose I should not have been all that surprised about his remark because I have yet to find anyone in childcare who does not use this kind of praise, and, I sometimes catch my husband offering it up when he wants William to comply with a request (or perhaps wants him to store up the potential reward for complying with a future request).  It sparked off a brief but interesting conversation between us about motivation and what makes us feel good when we do certain things.  What do we really mean when we make such statements?

Rather clumsily, I suggested to William that eating all his food up did not make him a good boy, but it would help him grow and be healthy and then, when he began to look crestfallen, hastened to add that we think he is a good person inside whether or not the food gets eaten.  Apparently, in nursery school, someone said (or actually probably says on a regular basis),"Good boy!" when he helps out at tidy-up time.  So, I asked him if it feels better when someone says "Good boy!" or instead, "Thank you for helping me tidy up, that makes my job easier." (or something similar) at tidy-up time.  At first, he was a bit confused, as I hadn't done such a good job myself of framing the abstract in a way that a 4 year-old could immediately grasp.  I was aware that this was a valuable moment for me because William himself had presented it, in the context of his own experience, so I wanted to get behind his thoughts and really understand his motivation before that moment was lost.

I wanted to rephrase the question without it sounding loaded.  I'm not sure if I managed completely, but I believe I found a better way of asking because he appeared to think about it for a moment or two before responding with the latter "Thank you (etc)".  And then the moment was gone and I sat wondering if, after his experiences of this kind of praise, he is learning to become a 'little pleaser' and wanted to say what he thought I might've wanted to hear.  If that makes any sense.

In my heart, I want my children (well, at least my 4 year-old, for now) to find the intrinsic value in performing a task, or complying with a request (although I fully expect that not all requests will be complied with) and not to comply just because of the offer of such external reward and approval.  Under this precept, I am often challenged into questioning myself about whether the request was reasonable or maybe sometimes just a bit frivolous.  Naturally, I feel inconvenienced by his lack of compliance at times, and also the opposite when he does comply.  It certainly makes for an interesting amount of give and take. 

Some old-fashioned phrases to watch out for:

"Now there's a good boy/girl" [pat, pat] (I want you to do this because it is convenient for me)
"Do as you're told!" (I am the authority and you have no say)
"Do as you're told, or else...!" (adding additional threat)
"Because I said so!" (I am the highest authority and you have no say)
"If you're really good, you can have..." (bribery at its best)
"Have you been a good boy/girl today?" (entrapment, adds shame, invites deceit)

For an interesting tale of bribery, greed, deceit and treachery, exploring the origins of this nursery rhyme made me smirk...  I'll leave it to your imaginations.

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
Eating his Christmas pie
He put in his thumb and pulled out a plum
And said "What a good boy am I!"

Feeding baby

Our little girl is definitely getting hungrier and more interested in our mealtimes.  She's desperate to join in and I can no longer deny the existence of the signs.  Her sleep patterns have altered, she is breastfeeding more and she's very curious about what I'm eating and takes a good swipe at my plate or bowl when she is on my knee.

As per my previous post, I had been wondering about when to introduce a few first tastes.  I was thinking about some sort of sweet vegetable, but happenstance we were having steamed asparagus the other evening and we decided on the spur of the moment.  Easy to hold, nice and soft.  Whilst she didn't consume much, it was obvious that she really appreciated joining in.

Since then, steamed carrot and broccoli have been a success, but swede a bit more uncertain.

In keeping with my efforts to raise her in a 'biologically appropriate' way,  because she is pretty hungry, I'd like to introduce a bit more, but I'm less keen on the idea of bland old baby rice.  So, I've decided to try offering pre-masticated food. (But, "Yuk!")  I have thought about this and there are some advantages to/reasons for using this method:

1) It's very natural and what humans have done for thousands of years, therefore we must be adapted to it
2) She will gain added nutritional benefits in digestion through the presence of my salivary enzymes
3) She will also benefit from my salivary immune factors (secretory IgA etc); therefore, it seems a logical complement to breastfeeding
4) No effort involved (no separate meals to prepare, no blender to wash), food is warmed and moistened to the right consistency


I can address all but one of the potential disadvantages:

1) Transmission of disease - there is no significant risk of disease transmission (eg HIV) in our family. (NB The risk of HIV transmission through saliva is very low, perhaps lower than via breastfeeding).  If I am harbouring any Herpes viruses or H pylori, I have remained asymptomatic or in a state of latency.  These viruses are so common, she will be in a small minority if, ultimately, she remains uninfected.  If I become ill with any orally transmitted bugs, I will simply feed her separately. 

2) Increased risk of dental caries - Strep mutans (one of the main bacteria sp implicated in initiating carious lesions) aren't found in edentulous (toothless) mouths.  Even when her teeth begin to erupt, she won't become colonised for another year or two.  I have my theory about this.  This 'window of infectivity' probably occurs as a result of a tailing off or loss of protective factors from breastmilk.  No gum disease in our family either.

3) Social - this is the one I will struggle with, I think.  Not everyone wants to see a mother shoving a bolus of pre-chewed food into baby's mouth, either with fingers or, perhaps more so, with her own mouth.

I guess it's a new idea I have to come round to.  With breastfeeding, I feel totally comfortable breastfeeding in any situation and am quite ready to address any criticism or condemnation therein.  However, I have grown up in a germ-aware family where sharing so much as a cup was considered dirty (although strangely, my dad thought nothing of spitting on a hanky and 'cleaning' my face with it).  I can understand how this concern has come about, for my parents' generation.  Finding myself explaining the potential immunological benefits of pre-mastication to anyone but a microbiologist could be somewhat awkward though.

I would welcome any comments on anything I may have missed, but so far, to me, this feels like the right way to go.  When our children grow up and I imagine myself looking back, I will probably say to myself, "What was all the fuss about, they're fine now?"  I guess when you're living the moment with a young baby (and it hasn't changed with having two), you always worry and wonder what exactly is the right thing to do for their optimal health and development.

6 months exclusive breastfeeding: good advice?

Over the past week, Aruna has been hungrier than usual.  I have been reassuring myself that this is just a growth spurt, however, since I've never noticed any of her other growth spurts (or indeed, if she has had any), I have begun to suspect it could be a signal for greater nutritional needs than breastmilk alone can provide for her.  She is now 4 months old.  

I always accepted on good faith the WHO/NHS advice that exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months is the ideal.  I am well aware of the risks associated with introducing formula milk and breastfeeding cessation, but what is the actual evidence against introducing solids before 6 months while continuing to breastfeed? 

An interesting analysis in the BMJ recently (Fewtrell M et al 2011) raises the issue.  Evidence for the advice is apparently quite weak, especially as 6-months-exclusively-breastfed infants represent less than 1% of infants.  Also, there are risks to waiting too long to introduce solid food, the most well-known being iron-deficiency.  It may even be that there is a 'critical window' during which to introduce foods in such a way as to minimise risk of development of allergies, ie not too early, but not too late either.  A couple of studies point to increased incidence of coeliac disease when gluten was introduced before 3 months or after 6 months.  They make the interesting point that prolonged exclusive breastfeeding may affect the window of opportunity to introduce bitter foods and later dislike of vegetables.

Since I was somewhat anaemic in the latter stages of pregnancy, although cord clamping was delayed, I am a little more concerned about Aruna's own iron stores.  I am not now so keen to follow guidelines to the letter if they aren't backed up with sound reason. I liked this:

"Signalling of hunger by the infant is probably an evolved mechanism that individualises timing of weaning for a mother-infant pair" (from Reilly & Wells 2005)

So I'll give it a little more time but perhaps we will venture into a few first tastes sooner than planned.  Oh, and I intend to breastfeed for as long as possible. 

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(1) BMJ 342: 209-212
(2) Reilly JJ, Wells JC (1995) Duration of exclusive breastfeeding: introduction of complementary feeding may be necessary before 6 months of age. Br J Nutr 94:869-72

A Little Bit of Make Believe

This Easter is a rather quiet one for Aruna and me.  Raj and William travelled down to visit the grandparents in Devon for 4 days (I think the longest I have been apart from William!).  I dithered and cogitated about going for days until finally I resigned to staying in Liverpool.  The anxiety about travelling for 4+ hours in the car with Aruna won out.  (I was remembering a couple of nightmarish long journeys with William as a baby, and these memories influenced my decision this weekend.)

Before they went, I had a little more time to spend with my son this week as he was not at nursery school.  This proved to be very enjoyable.  "What?! You don't enjoy spending time with your son?!" I hear you cry.  The truth is, the last months have been challenging in that respect and dark clouds were gathering in my heart.  William has been growing away from me slowly, with little spurts, some self-driven, some rather thrust upon him by our circumstances here and there (ie moving house, changing jobs, schools etc and a new baby).  I can accept this, but, where possible, I want his path to independence to be a gentle one; I often regret those times when that path is punctuated by small kicks up the backside from those circumstances that are less easily controlled.  

So, during one of those moments where I was lacking in inspiration (of which, I have many), William suggested we play a game and got the wooden farm set out.  I'm not very good at playing with William sometimes, but I've always liked this particular toy because there are no rules and lots of make believe.  So, we sat down and really enjoyed ourselves for a little while.  I even forgot about the mess in the house (something I am easily overwhelmed by in our small space).  Play naturally flowed on to singing a nursery rhyme called "Farmer Brown" and since we couldn't remember all the words, we sat together and wrote them all down.  William was having a lot of fun, and so was I.  This brought to mind my earlier thoughts about home-schooling, and how this natural flow of play, some independent, and some guided by the parent is the best form of learning for a young child. 

Ok, so the photograph looks a little staged.  I only thought of taking one after they had gone.  It did look somewhat like this, honestly.  A very happy afternoon.

Aruna's Birth Poem (Hypnobirth)

Today is Aruna's 3-month birthday.  With this lovely spring sunshine warming the cockles of our souls, Christmas already seems like a long time ago.  I want to celebrate again with a little poem for Aruna.  It's taken me a while to complete it, but today seems appropriate.

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The dark winter night slowly passes

Though rest, for me, is fleeting

Many months I have come to know you

Now I yearn for our first meeting

It is Christmas and our house is peaceful

Gifts are prepared for tomorrow

Gently I waken my beloved

To get ready for what will soon follow

We begin to prepare everything carefully

While inside my womb ripens and tenses

Colours sparkle before my eyes

A myriad of stars penetrates my senses

Phone calls are made and candles are lit

The room feels safe and welcoming

Fragrant with lilies and lavender oil

A place where all things end and begin

A gentle hand strokes my back

Though I am not afraid

Only filled with wonder

That we finally enact our plans long made

Warm water envelopes my body

My birth paradise fills my mind

I am transported to a place deep within

Angel's wings leave what is old far behind:

Fresh verdant hues, bright, a beautiful sunlit valley

A soft winding path leading up,

I walk to the end of the rainbow, and find my tranquil pool

Dappled, clear, an overflowing cup

In the water, my wings set aside, only one thing left to do

Concentrate. The moment is due.

The pinnacle of my womanhood is fulfilled

As the waves of the swell surge over me

A journey of love just beginning

A tiny new life, a spirit set free

In that moment you were born

I looked upon you and loved you

Aruna. My beautiful child

Our blessing this Christmas dawn

The Deodorant Stone

For some reason, I have a particular bug-bear about the waste generated by using deodorant.  I am quite smell-conscious, so would not go without, but hate the thought that I am using a thick plastic container every few months that will then require hundreds, if not thousands of years to break down in landfill.  Since Unilever do not provide refills, if I am to remain an accepted member of my social circles, I have to buy a new pack each time. 

Interestingly, Unilever does have a "Sustainable Living Plan" which suggests they are developing strategies for reducing packaging and providing refills.  See here.  They even boast a Walmart Gold Award for Sustainable Packaging in 2009 for making refill pouches for a shampoo in China.  Hmm.  Would it be churlish of me to suggest they, as a global multinational, could be doing more?  A lot more.  And probably without negatively affecting their brand images.  In fact they could make radical changes and then even the most hardcore eco-conscious would be doffing their caps in respect and buying more of their products.  Well, maybe not.  Sadly, they are not here for our good, or the earth's good, only their own good. 

I discovered the Deodorant Stone while browsing the Natural Clothing catalogue, a small, very ethical company who's woolly baby clothes I adore.  Any natural alternative has to have comparative odour-bashing properties, otherwise, I will just begrudgingly return to Unilever.  It is a crystal made of potassium alum which you wet first then apply.  My 60 g stone looks set to last several months with daily use.  Whatsmore, it looks nice on the bathroom shelf!  No plastic!

Where previously, I was using anti-perspirant deodorants, which I have since learned are the cause of those horrible stains in the armpits of your clothes, that seem to reactivate with sweat, I am now content with this deodorant stone.  It isn't anti-perspirant, but thinking about it, is it healthy to block moisture secretion in this way?  It does what it says on the tin, although I will keep my deo stick in the bathroom cupboard for that rare occasion, say a job interview, where one just can't take any chances.

In the meantime, I will await with interest any research to suggest there may be adverse health consequences associated with using aluminium salts in this way. 

PS Beware any synthetically produced versions.

Reduce, Re-Use, Recycle III

NAPPIES, WASTE and EC

I am a hoarder.  Since my parents were both children during WWII and grew up in the ensuing era of frugality, we (my brother and I) have always had it drilled into us: "Waste not, want not!"  Hoarding is both a blessing and a curse for me.  I feel strongly about the issue of consumption and waste, and feel proud to care.  And, having children has only heightened my concerns about waste.  However, I often face frustration at the continual battle for space in a house occupied by many almost redundant items.  (One of these days, I'm going to get a cupboard, put it all in, and call it the Everything Cupboard.)  One battle I am prepared to put up with for now, however, is the issue of nappies. 

When William was born, my main aims for using cloth nappies were waste reduction, energy conservation and cost savings, as well as better for baby's skin.  We have an A+AA rated washing machine, sanitise at 40 degrees and no tumble dryer, so I knew we would be able to reduce our environmental impact.  Also, a general dislike and distrust of corporate giants has steered me clear of the bigger brands of disposable nappies (corporate responsibility?).  We do occasionally use eco-disposable nappies, which seem to be continually improving, even in the short time between my 2 babies.  However, as they ultimately end up in landfill, their biodegradability is going to be dictated by local conditions, usually anaerobic, and so is likely to be delayed considerably from the optimum.  (I'm still working on persuading Raj that we could put these on our compost heap at the allotment.)

If only we had one of these in Liverpool....

Maishima Waste Incineration Plant, Osaka, Japan

Built by Friedensreich Hundertwasser

Generates 32,000KW electricity.  Beautiful.

Since having Aruna, I have considered the use of cloth in more detail, and now wonder about the many types of cloth nappies available and what their individual merits are, from an environmental perspective.  I like to try out new things so I have many different cloth nappies, rather than one particular system in use.  (This will be the subject of a further blog post soon.)

The most exciting way we are able to achieve a considerable reduction in nappy use is with the practice Elimination Communication (EC).  I found out about this when William was tiny and we got going with it, achieving a reasonable degree of success.  I say 'found out' because prior to my babies, it never occurred to me that babies were already equipped to tell us about their elimination needs - something that people in other (non-Western) parts of the world take for granted.  EC is just a fancy term for listening/watching for baby's cues about their wees and poos.  Babies are born with an instinct to not want to soil themselves. (Anyone noticed a newborn suddenly weeing when you take their nappy off?)  Sadly, for our convenience however, we wrap them up in paper and cloth and train them out of this.

I started EC with Aruna when she was 3 days old because it was soon obvious she disliked the feeling of being in a wet nappy and even seemed to dislike the sensation of passing water.  This was going to mean a whole lot more nappy changes.  She really took off with it and, although in our cold English climate, she doesn't go nappy-free so much, I am able to understand her cues most of the time and a large number of wees and poos end up in the bowl (then down the loo) rather than in the nappy.

Two great books on the subject are "The Diaper-Free Baby" by Christine Gross-Loh and "Infant Potty Training" by Laurie Boucke.

Starting the allotment again

After some deliberation and my persuading Raj, we, or should I respectfully say he, is getting the allotment going again.  We've come to a compromise though, just to keep a half plot and keep things simple and manageable with one or two beds for now.  Since I am not so keen on back-breaking digging etc while carrying Aruna, I will mostly just spectate for now.

There are so many uncertainties on the horizon, such as where William will go to school, whether we should move into a more spacious rented house somewhere a bit nicer, and whether or when I will return to work at the practice nearby, so this way, a small investment will not be a great loss if we no longer live around the corner. 

SW view - greenhouse is boundary

NE view - shed is new boundary of 1/2 plot

Other news...
Well, we made it over to Alder Hey for William's hearing check and all has been deemed satisfactory by the Audiologist, but due to the glue ear season, we'll have a follow-up in July, hopefully for the last time.

Half Term Blues

The week has finished and I am tired.  Even with help around the house, it has been a challenge.  We are now settled into a well-established routine with the children and on weekdays at least, there seems little time for anything else if I am to get an early night with Aruna.  Insomnia has been eating me away around the edges.  I have been desperate for an un-rushed shower and hair wash.  In the end, I got into William's cold bath water last night and hurriedly scrubbed down while Raj managed William's bedtime stories and held onto Aruna who was grizzling with wind, but as yet my hair is still in a state. 

Any mother will recognise this plight. 

I am still not free of a chronic anaemia which, despite taking supplements, is still holding fast.  In hindsight, I think it started in the last trimester if not earlier as I remember being very out of breath just going up the stairs at work and it probably contributed to my susceptibility to infection in November.  Although I feel more energetic now, I am quite irascible and at times, tearful.  Sadly, William often bears the brunt of this.  My lack of patience is exposed with his inquisitive mind and active body, only natural for a 4 year-old, as I cannot keep up.

My mother visited, at my request, to provide an extra pair of hands around the house for a couple of days.  She is busy at home and, rather like me, does not relish being interrupted when in the middle of large projects.  Her mood betrayed that.  But she also has her own burdens to face, after several courses of treatment for macular degeneration, to be told that she will likely lose her eyesight over the next 5 years. We spoke on the phone today and it eased some of the tension that had been felt earlier in the week between us. 

As I write the close, I have now succeeded in some thorough body cleansing and even a little tidying up downstairs.  So, I may at last retire to bed feeling, if not excited about a good night's sleep, relaxed enough to give it the best chance.

Sound Advice

Liverpool Echo 19 January 2012

By chance, on the day of Aruna's newborn hearing screening at the Womens' Hospital, we received a letter from the ENT Department at Alder Hey Children's Hospital about William's hearing investigations which took place between 2009-10 when he was suffering from glue ear.  The letter informed us that several children investigated by one particular doctor had undiagnosed hearing loss and, as a result, an internal audit has identified all the children investigated by this doctor who were not seen by anyone else.  William, one of these children, is now to return for re-testing, although we have to wait until the end of February for the appointment.

He was eventually discharged in 2010, and, until recently, I have been confident that his hearing has been quite good.  However, perhaps by unhappy chance, he has recently had a further infection which, I suspect, has resulted in a further bout of glue ear.  He shouts a lot, and doesn't hear us well when speaking with lowered or even normal tones.  (This has been quite wearing.  Since Aruna's birth, I am seeking a little more quiet than usual.)

So, we're off to the GP on Monday to have a look at his ear, and maybe get this follow-up expedited.  Two years ago, I had faith in the care he received at Alder Hey, and today, I still do.  However, a little part of me will worry about permanent damage to his hearing until we get some reassurance.

Aruna's newborn hearing screen 19 Jan (3.5 weeks old)

Reduce, Re-use, Recycle II

Botty Wipes

As I am inherently suspicious of any products with synthetic ingredients in, I am always looking for natural alternatives.  I'm sure some synthetic ingredients are perfectly inert and harmless, but what if their production carries extra environmental costs or by-products?  And, some 'natural' ingredients can be potent chemicals in themselves.  I'd love to discuss this with a chemist.

There are so many choices available for baby wipes now, many more than just even when William was pre-toilet-independent, not that long ago.  When William was newborn, I just used cotton wool and water, which, I suppose is about as natural as you can get.  He did occasionally get nappy rash though.  Over the last 3+ weeks, I have been using cotton wool pads/pleat for Aruna also, although with a homemade wipe solution, and it works a treat:


1 cup chamomile tea
1 small portion soap cube or blob of baby wash
1 t calendula oil
1 t olive oil
2-3 drops tea tree oil
4 drops lavender oil

Make a cup of chamomile tea and add a blob of baby wash (I've tried Neal's Yard) or most recently, a small cube of gentle soap from Larson Farm Naturals and allow to dissolve and cool.  Then add the rest of the ingredients and give it a good stir. 

At the moment, I'm using a small plastic squeezy bottle to apply a small squirt to each cotton wool pad as I use them.  For the cloth wipes, I can just make up a slightly larger quantity and pour it over the wipes in the plastic box so they are ready to use when needed.  I did something similar for William when he was a bit bigger, so rarely bought disposable wipes, and when I did, I still tried to wash and re-use them a couple of times!  So, why am I still consuming cotton wool and throwing it away?  Convenience.  And, it is what I did with William as a newborn, and old habits are hard to break.  I need to address this soon.  I spent some time making up new cloth wipes from old bits of towel and terry bath robe, cotton muslin etc when I was pregnant.  I only have about 20 though, which wouldn't get turned around in the wash often enough to make it 100% cloth use at present.  And, I would like some tiny ones, suitable for her tiny bottom, and, I don't think I can even buy those anywhere.

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A wonderful selection of recipes for cloth wipe solutions can be found here: http://www.zany-zebra.com/cloth-wipe-solution.shtml