The week has finished and I am tired. Even with help around the house, it has been a challenge. We are now settled into a well-established routine with the children and on weekdays at least, there seems little time for anything else if I am to get an early night with Aruna. Insomnia has been eating me away around the edges. I have been desperate for an un-rushed shower and hair wash. In the end, I got into William's cold bath water last night and hurriedly scrubbed down while Raj managed William's bedtime stories and held onto Aruna who was grizzling with wind, but as yet my hair is still in a state.
Any mother will recognise this plight.
I am still not free of a chronic anaemia which, despite taking supplements, is still holding fast. In hindsight, I think it started in the last trimester if not earlier as I remember being very out of breath just going up the stairs at work and it probably contributed to my susceptibility to infection in November. Although I feel more energetic now, I am quite irascible and at times, tearful. Sadly, William often bears the brunt of this. My lack of patience is exposed with his inquisitive mind and active body, only natural for a 4 year-old, as I cannot keep up.
My mother visited, at my request, to provide an extra pair of hands around the house for a couple of days. She is busy at home and, rather like me, does not relish being interrupted when in the middle of large projects. Her mood betrayed that. But she also has her own burdens to face, after several courses of treatment for macular degeneration, to be told that she will likely lose her eyesight over the next 5 years. We spoke on the phone today and it eased some of the tension that had been felt earlier in the week between us.
As I write the close, I have now succeeded in some thorough body cleansing and even a little tidying up downstairs. So, I may at last retire to bed feeling, if not excited about a good night's sleep, relaxed enough to give it the best chance.
It was right about this time after Imogen was born that I started to feel rather down myself. The glory of the birth had long since worn off. The difficulties with the first-born were beginning to take shape. I was remembering all too clearly how absolute a newborn's hold is on her mother. And this mothering gig required yet another surrender to what seemed necessary to make things work.
ReplyDeleteBut by three months, things were easier. And now at nearly five, things are easier still. We all understand our new roles a bit better and feel more able to deal with the big challenges that daily living sometimes throws up. No doubt you will too.
As for sleep, is Aruna in bed with you? This helped us immensely. After the first two weeks of rather broken sleep, Imogen settled into the nights fairly well...as long as I was by her side. It's still a rare thing if I can slip away while she is sleeping (so we generally go to bed together), but I somehow mind it less now. This time when she is little is passing so quickly, and I know that she will soon need me less...and then not very much at all. Anyway. Hopefully sleep will come more easily soon.
Let me know if you need anything. xx
Thank you my dear friend. Yes, Aruna is with me, and that was always the plan - I wouldn't have it any other way. In fact, we have a girl's room and a boy's room! It's best that way for now. I enjoy the closeness, and rather like you, rarely slip away, but again, I rarely want to. It's only this week that I've started to put her in the rocker chair in the kitchen for a few moments as I rush around clearing up, but I'm not entirely comfortable with it yet. We get ready for bed when Raj is getting William settled, and for the most part, retire around 8 pm, although I don't sleep before 10 usually.
ReplyDeleteThe nights have never been too bad because, although Aruna was feeding 2-hourly (now increasing a bit), she went off to sleep again without any trouble. It is relatively easy compared to the sheer sleep deprivation I had with William... The insomnia is of my own making and starts at 4:30 when, after a feed, my racing thoughts get the better of me. I know it will pass.
Like you say, this time passes in the blink of any eye. I don't want to miss anything.