Communication I

Communication, as a concept, is something I have recently become intensely interested in. When I say recently, the interest really started in William's babyhood, especially concerning mother-infant interactions, and then mother-toddler. Now, the sphere expands to encompass the dentist-patient relationship, and with it, communication with the dental team.

I recently read Marshall Rosenberg's "Nonviolent Communication" and felt very inspired to adopt some of the principles into my everyday life, including communication with my family, colleagues and anyone in general. The principles are enlightening and refreshing, although potentially very challenging where close relationships are concerned. I say this because I carry so much baggage around concerning relationships with close family members that tends to get in the way of a completely free and peaceful interaction when viewpoints differ. I am sure this is true for many people.

I need to re-read the book for some reinforcement, since this style of communication is fairly new to me. Previously, I would have considered myself a fairly empathic person, able to communicate with people on many levels, polite and non-judgemental, respectful. However, reading the book has highlighted many areas where this was not always the case. For example, when talking over a problem with a friend, out of a desire to help, I have the tendency to try to find solutions or suggest things that she should do to make the situation better, rather than just actively listening, supporting and understanding. Rosenberg points out that the word 'should' denies choice induces guilt. Why not replace "I should do x, y, z..." with "I choose to do..."? Slowly I am becomming more aware of the language I use when talking over sensitive issues with others. This is something I will continue to work on.

This week has highlighted my need for a greater understanding of communication in conflict resolution, potentially the most challenging skill to develop. After a seamless start to my job, I had not one, but two days of misunderstanding and disagreement with my Trainer that left me at least the second time, in tears with feelings of shame and embarrassment and on both occasions analysing and wondering how I could've handled things better. Many things may have contributed to a moment of emotional overload, the recent stresses and strains of our change of family life/home/job, or simply a desire for perfect harmony in this new working relationship. Certainly, my deeper interest in overcoming communication problems made this week all the more thought provoking.

Dim white noise

This has been a confusing time, my addled brain feels fuzzy and I don't feel very safe driving some days. Possibly risky because I'm driving close to 300 miles a week. However, as with most stressful episodes, I anticipate a return to normality and cerebral function in good time, so long as I allow myself to heal.

The aftermath of the au pair calamity has been more significant than expected, in terms of emotional saturation. Hard to shake off. Perhaps the timing of events has magnified things somewhat, with the move down to Devon and new job starting. However, I am no longer so harsh towards myself for perhaps being the instrument of so much disappointment for one person and their family. A thought came to me the other day: God helps those who help themselves. Neither is a belief in a divine being a pre-requisite for this to apply. Allowing for a little adjustment for being away from home for the first time, the dogged determination to get to the UK for better opportunity should follow with a demonstration of that will and initiative to take on the challenges that present themselves - a physical demonstration, not merely words.

My faith in human nature has been shaken, although not broken. Trust and acceptance are still there, but hardened is my determination to listen more closely to my instinct. She has proven me wrong before and when I have surrendered to her nagging insistence, the release has been exhilarating. Hence, was born an 'attachment parent', but that is another wonderful story.

Our new au pair is arriving soon. My hope is renewed for William and our family unit. Meantime, my champion mama continues to set aside her own life for us in caring for William full time, and making it so easy for me.