Outside the System

Politics (just a bit) & Responsibility

I hope this will be the first in a series of posts on home education. It has been almost 1 year since we departed from mainstream schooling and, although William is still very young, in fact not yet even school age for some countries, we are experiencing life in a way that I could never have hoped for previously. We are living today. While we don't follow a curriculum or get het up about timetables, I do have a vision and think it might be useful, if only for myself, to set it out.  Don't worry, it isn't just about how we go about "the three Rs"!

I read and talk with others a lot about the politics of education, education theory, child development and just simply inspiring stories. It all contributes to a greater understanding of my own intrinsic motivation, by either supporting my world view, challenging it, or introducing lines of thought previously unconsidered.  I reflect on my own experience of education, and the values I hold and want to impart to my children, and for William, I see his interests developing and wish to support those in a way that allows them to flourish without the constraints imposed by mainstream schooling.

Find the system that fits the child, rather than fit the child to the system,
especially if the system is not fit for purpose. 

Jodrell Bank 31/10/13

One of my aims is to encourage the ability to take responsibility for our own actions and ideas.  In some ways, this follows on naturally from gentle parenting practices and an unschooling philosophy. It strikes me that it is often something that is lacking in politics, and is undermined by the very education system we have because of the heavy emphasis on external assessment, testing and evaluation. The very nature of this increasing micromanagement of children disempowers them of taking responsibility.  Their scope for choice is so limited and their learning is so externally directed as to remove much of their autonomy.  Furthermore, education is not about what is best for the child as an individual, rather it is about the schools and their results because they themselves are enslaved to central funding and inspection powers.

I'm not sure we have ever had a Golden Age in Education (policy) in Britain, but we certainly seem further from it than ever before. Politicians are very much a product of the system they now control, and perhaps this is part of the problem.  They have been schooled in a way that discourages them from taking responsibility for their actions, stifles creativity and original thinking, and encourages blame and criticism without self-reflection.  Perhaps that is rather uncharitable of me as I am not in government (yikes, nor would I wish to be).  Most politicians probably don't enter politics purely because they are power-grabbing megalomaniacs.  I say, most.


I listened to Sir Ken Robinson, Educationalist, (a Scouser, I might add!) interviewed on Desert Island Discs the other day.  It was inspiring.  Here is the link to his TED Talk on How schools kill creativity.  Just under 20 minutes, really worth a listen - had me in stitches!

Chasing Rainbows

The other week I kept encountering rainbows.  They were everywhere!  I began to rationalise that, with two young children and all their paraphernalia, there are going to be more of them around, but that just spoils the fun.

It started when I changed my desktop background to a series of amazing photographs of rainbows.  The next day, we went out for a walk on the Wirral together and saw some truly vivid rainbows in the sky on our way back home.  First there appeared one side of the arc, then later on, the other, and the density of colour was intense at some moments.  On the one hand, I lamented the lack of professional camera to try to capture such ephemeral beauty, but on the other, I was grateful just to take something away from it.

That evening I took two bedtime stories from the shelf to read to Aruna, and glancing at them, realised they each had a rainbow on the cover.  It is true, their stuff has rainbows on.  However...both books?  Well, you might say this was preconceived or highly likely given the day's sightings.  I kid you not, it was completely spontaneous and, therefore, ever the more surprising, given that out of 24 books on this particular shelf, only 3 had a rainbow on.  As the whole strange conjunction piqued my interest, I discussed the statistical likelihood of this happening with my husband (I don't need to do the maths, I have Raj) and it turns out to be about 1%.  How cool is that?!

I won't dwell too much on the rainbow tea cozy crochet project or the rainbow flannel I picked up at my mum's a day or two later, but suffice to say, the week was colourful and beautiful, full of marvellous eye candy, for me!

A Career in Motherhood

A few months of careful thought, extensive badgering of friends and not an undue amount of anxiety will be drawing to an end very soon.  I've cleaned my desk in order to write this, so there can be no more distractions, because committing it to this post makes it all the more real and long-lasting.  I am leaving my job - my career - as a GDP to raise the children wholeheartedly and wholemindedly.  Many mothers must go through the same anguish and learn how to give and take what they want from both roles, but I find I cannot.  Strangely, for the first time in my life, I feel I have a choice and the freedom this imparts is nothing less than exhilarating.  The decisions I've made that have brought me to this position were not all freely made because so much of what we do is what is expected of us, what is dictated by middle class values and then, in my particular case, a sense of obligation that I ought to achieve something worthwhile to compensate for the low points in earlier periods of family disharmony when growing up.

I love my job, but I guess I love my children more and consider them a risk worth taking for my own future.  My mother often wants to help me, maybe not always in the way I need it in that moment, but often in momentous ways.  In receiving, I, in turn, want to pass on to them by giving of myself and my time.

I do still crave moments to myself, and fortunately because I have a very supportive husband, I can have a few minutes here and there!  William and Aruna are only very young once, then they will just be young and I can read a whole chapter, instead of just the same paragraph twice with interruptions, and then they won't want me around so much and I guess I'll be left to miss their physical presence next to me.  At that point, some might say I will then want back what I have given up, but somehow, I don't feel daunted by that.  Having explored the possibilities more than once before, I am sure I will find something I can put my hand to.  The personal and spiritual rewards are now that much more important than merely the material and practical rewards that come with a 'good' job, even if it means living a little more simply in the present. 

Loving the Inner Child

Many ideas for posts have come and gone recently and I just haven't the time to commit to documenting each one.  This one will round up a few of the goings-on neatly though.  We've had a little change around in the house and I am settling in as though we'd just moved house to a new and exciting place.  I've been planning a change for some time, but it didn't come as I expected it, which was to be some updating in the kitchen (still planned).

After a session at work which did not end as well as possible, I returned home reflecting on my current position and my true motivations.  Being a mother, this is nothing new, but more and more I have questioned my true path in life and whether this is just an inevitable conflict such as we all just have to work through, or whether it is something more, something I see myself as setting free from soon. 

That afternoon however, I needed something cathartic and immediate.  The idea popped into my head that we could change the bedrooms over, moving furniture and all, and that a new arrangement might actually relieve some of the space problems we had been living with for the last few years.  After measuring up, I saw that it would work well so I texted Raj to warn him that I'd just booked our Saturday for a thorough spring clean and movearound.  Fortunately, he had no objections.  (Pictures to follow soon, hopefully...)

So, we did it.  The children loved all the activity, and apparently the result too.  It struck me as rather odd that I hadn't jumped on the idea before.  Anyway, it is giving me a chance to nestle in and reflect on the changes within myself as well, to start to enjoy them more.  I am not sure whether that is particularly noticeable to anyone but me (apart from the cessation of hair dying revealing just how much grey hair I have), but I am certain that I do not wish to become more cynical with age, but instead, to bring more joy and love to all in my life.

To be able to do this fully and unconditionally, I need to let go of some old baggage that I have lugged around for a few decades.  I've been exploring ways of laying some of the groundwork in this myself before I embark on a serious commitment to psychotherapy.  (It may sound odd, but I am very excited about that prospect!)  The first exercise beyond all the reading is writing to my Inner Child (from a suggestion in "The Emotionally Absent Mother" by Jasmin Lee Cori).  I love writing letters, though sadly, very few people can find the time these days. This way, I can write myself a letter, full of love, and I know I will really appreciate it.  I even found some Raggedy Ann stationery from my childhood.  (If this makes uncomfortable reading for anyone, well, I'm fine with it.  I've never been a very private person anyway.)

Inspired by Poo

I would not have imagined writing a post about stepping in dog poo, but this is it.  William and I walked over to a friend's house this afternoon and had to do a fair amount of dog poo dodging along the way.  Unfortunately, he stepped in some and then expressed an interest in writing to the City Council to see if anything could be done about the problem.  Not wishing to stifle this impromptu interest in putting pen (or pencil) to paper, I sat with him to assist with spelling, aside from which, the following letter is entirely his own. 

It reads: 

                                                                          

“Dear Council, Please clean up the dog poo soon. Whitlock Family.”

Home schooling is full of surprises.  We are pretty much unschooling, so when my old schooled self starts having niggling doubts (usually when I'm feeling tired), William just does something that, frankly, amazes me.  Every child has their strengths and interests, and William's have become so much more apparent to me with my close observation over the past couple of months.  Writing letters, until recently, has not been one of them.  So, this one, although it is about poo, I will treasure.  (...a copy of... I am posting it tomorrow!)

Early Days

I'm not sure I should really be writing a post about William and HE after such a short time since deregistering, but I'm always eager to spill the beans when I get excited about something.  I have been immersing myself in my children's development in ways that I didn't think I had the energy, attention span and imagination to do and it is truly rewarding.  I have also been reading more books and blogs of others' experiences, meeting families and getting out a lot more.  Some things have started to emerge that are perhaps worth commenting on.

The first thing I noticed has been how much calmer and more cooperative William has been with more close time with me.  I wouldn't have described him as a particularly recalcitrant child, but we have had our fair share of battles, eg getting dressed in the morning, screen time, food.  Fairly typical.  Whereas these things haven't disappeared altogether, they aren't really battles anymore, maybe just reminders, and as he grows, increasingly a matter of agreement through consensus and respectful negotiation. A truly democratic household (...that is my aim!)

Everyone is happier, and apparently less stressed.  That has got to be a good thing, all around.  The pace of life is enjoyable, most of the time about right, and even when we are rushing, it doesn't feel like that feeling you get when you think you're going to miss your train (unless I have arranged an appointment for myself too early in the morning!).  One thing, after some years of career-seeking and training is that I do not want life with our young children to be a rush anymore, because this tender time passes too quickly as it is.  These outcomes can't be viewed in isolation, because we all feed off each other, and my increased calmness, contentedness will contribute to the children's wellbeing also. So, we help each other.

I feel less pressure to forgo an opportunity for a burst of learning when it arises because bedtime looms. We still have bedtime, but not so strict that it stifles that moment.

I am learning things I would not otherwise have bothered to look at too. And that doesn't even include the self reflection that becomes so habitual when we become parents, although Raj could not hold back when, whilst playing Seterra with William the other day, I momentarily forgot where Portugal was.

So, have there been any drawbacks? Maybe a few more parking charges because we go out more.  Though even the ticket machine on the Albert Dock malfunctioned the other day, and I paid only £2 for nearly a whole day's parking to visit Tate Liverpool.  HE does cost more, with all the potential activities there are, but parking or bus fares, tea and a flapjack in a museum is a lot more fun than a tenner a week for school lunches.  And, I am getting better at whole days out for little or no expense.

There are some differences in approach in executing this education business between myself and Raj.  I am more inclined to flow freely, and see value in a broader range of experiences as benefitting William's overall development.  I am a facilitator, and not really pedagogical.  Raj is pretty keen on the maths exercises and the phonics reading books.  We are doing it all now. 

So far, I've not had much direct experience of home ed detractors, though I'm sure it will come.  In fact, the friends I share the most like-mindedness with can see my vision and are very supportive, even if they aren't HE families themselves.  I just feel that William's education is just too precious to be left to chance, which is how it feels dropping him off at school each day.  This way, I can take things into my own hands and be there with him as he opens all those doors to learning himself.

Educating William

Friday night in.  I love my Friday nights in.  I love all my nights in.  I'm snuggled up in bed next to a sleeping baby, listening to something new - Julie Fowlis, Uam - and reading a couple of good books (Salt Sugar Smoke, Diana Henry and Playful Learning, Maria Bruehl).  It can't get much better than this, except maybe I could devour that Green and Black's Mint bar, but I've brushed my teeth now.  Oh well. Enough name dropping, let's get on with what I really want to say.

This week we have opened the door to a new way of being, a treasure trove of experiences and, quite possibly, a rollercoaster of emotions as well as an even messier house.  After our request for flexi-schooing William was turned down, a cloud descended on my heart and I have raked over every last brain cell in considering our options.  It was all or nothing; continue with the status quo or take the plunge and deregister William completely to home educate.  

Over the last few weeks there have been many open family discussions as well as quiet private discussions between William and me. We've thrashed out the merits, drawbacks, and issues particular to William's school itself that tip the balance for and against, from every possible angle.  Raj was doubtful, but finally agreed to let us give it a go. 

So, we've only just started but already it feels so liberating.  We spent Thursday learning some astronomy and went to a stargazing event at the World Museum, Liverpool.  William asked a thousand questions and I did my best to answer, and learned a few things myself in the process.  Today he's had a good play with some other HEers at a play centre after we did some maths together (his choice!) at home.  I met some interesting folk today.  One mum, I was astonished, remembered me from an HE meet in 2008 when William was a baby and I was exploring the idea and getting a feel for the HE community in Liverpool.  It is a small, but apparently thriving, diverse community who meet up regularly at various places to do some activity or other.

The school has offered to continue to be of support, so we are borrowing a stack of books because William's reading has really taken off.  Maintaining a link with the school will make things easier if and when the time comes for him to go back.  Initially, we've said we'd give HE a run for a term, or until Year 1 in September, but nothing is set in stone.