Outside the System

Politics (just a bit) & Responsibility

I hope this will be the first in a series of posts on home education. It has been almost 1 year since we departed from mainstream schooling and, although William is still very young, in fact not yet even school age for some countries, we are experiencing life in a way that I could never have hoped for previously. We are living today. While we don't follow a curriculum or get het up about timetables, I do have a vision and think it might be useful, if only for myself, to set it out.  Don't worry, it isn't just about how we go about "the three Rs"!

I read and talk with others a lot about the politics of education, education theory, child development and just simply inspiring stories. It all contributes to a greater understanding of my own intrinsic motivation, by either supporting my world view, challenging it, or introducing lines of thought previously unconsidered.  I reflect on my own experience of education, and the values I hold and want to impart to my children, and for William, I see his interests developing and wish to support those in a way that allows them to flourish without the constraints imposed by mainstream schooling.

Find the system that fits the child, rather than fit the child to the system,
especially if the system is not fit for purpose. 

Jodrell Bank 31/10/13

One of my aims is to encourage the ability to take responsibility for our own actions and ideas.  In some ways, this follows on naturally from gentle parenting practices and an unschooling philosophy. It strikes me that it is often something that is lacking in politics, and is undermined by the very education system we have because of the heavy emphasis on external assessment, testing and evaluation. The very nature of this increasing micromanagement of children disempowers them of taking responsibility.  Their scope for choice is so limited and their learning is so externally directed as to remove much of their autonomy.  Furthermore, education is not about what is best for the child as an individual, rather it is about the schools and their results because they themselves are enslaved to central funding and inspection powers.

I'm not sure we have ever had a Golden Age in Education (policy) in Britain, but we certainly seem further from it than ever before. Politicians are very much a product of the system they now control, and perhaps this is part of the problem.  They have been schooled in a way that discourages them from taking responsibility for their actions, stifles creativity and original thinking, and encourages blame and criticism without self-reflection.  Perhaps that is rather uncharitable of me as I am not in government (yikes, nor would I wish to be).  Most politicians probably don't enter politics purely because they are power-grabbing megalomaniacs.  I say, most.


I listened to Sir Ken Robinson, Educationalist, (a Scouser, I might add!) interviewed on Desert Island Discs the other day.  It was inspiring.  Here is the link to his TED Talk on How schools kill creativity.  Just under 20 minutes, really worth a listen - had me in stitches!

Chasing Rainbows

The other week I kept encountering rainbows.  They were everywhere!  I began to rationalise that, with two young children and all their paraphernalia, there are going to be more of them around, but that just spoils the fun.

It started when I changed my desktop background to a series of amazing photographs of rainbows.  The next day, we went out for a walk on the Wirral together and saw some truly vivid rainbows in the sky on our way back home.  First there appeared one side of the arc, then later on, the other, and the density of colour was intense at some moments.  On the one hand, I lamented the lack of professional camera to try to capture such ephemeral beauty, but on the other, I was grateful just to take something away from it.

That evening I took two bedtime stories from the shelf to read to Aruna, and glancing at them, realised they each had a rainbow on the cover.  It is true, their stuff has rainbows on.  However...both books?  Well, you might say this was preconceived or highly likely given the day's sightings.  I kid you not, it was completely spontaneous and, therefore, ever the more surprising, given that out of 24 books on this particular shelf, only 3 had a rainbow on.  As the whole strange conjunction piqued my interest, I discussed the statistical likelihood of this happening with my husband (I don't need to do the maths, I have Raj) and it turns out to be about 1%.  How cool is that?!

I won't dwell too much on the rainbow tea cozy crochet project or the rainbow flannel I picked up at my mum's a day or two later, but suffice to say, the week was colourful and beautiful, full of marvellous eye candy, for me!

A Career in Motherhood

A few months of careful thought, extensive badgering of friends and not an undue amount of anxiety will be drawing to an end very soon.  I've cleaned my desk in order to write this, so there can be no more distractions, because committing it to this post makes it all the more real and long-lasting.  I am leaving my job - my career - as a GDP to raise the children wholeheartedly and wholemindedly.  Many mothers must go through the same anguish and learn how to give and take what they want from both roles, but I find I cannot.  Strangely, for the first time in my life, I feel I have a choice and the freedom this imparts is nothing less than exhilarating.  The decisions I've made that have brought me to this position were not all freely made because so much of what we do is what is expected of us, what is dictated by middle class values and then, in my particular case, a sense of obligation that I ought to achieve something worthwhile to compensate for the low points in earlier periods of family disharmony when growing up.

I love my job, but I guess I love my children more and consider them a risk worth taking for my own future.  My mother often wants to help me, maybe not always in the way I need it in that moment, but often in momentous ways.  In receiving, I, in turn, want to pass on to them by giving of myself and my time.

I do still crave moments to myself, and fortunately because I have a very supportive husband, I can have a few minutes here and there!  William and Aruna are only very young once, then they will just be young and I can read a whole chapter, instead of just the same paragraph twice with interruptions, and then they won't want me around so much and I guess I'll be left to miss their physical presence next to me.  At that point, some might say I will then want back what I have given up, but somehow, I don't feel daunted by that.  Having explored the possibilities more than once before, I am sure I will find something I can put my hand to.  The personal and spiritual rewards are now that much more important than merely the material and practical rewards that come with a 'good' job, even if it means living a little more simply in the present. 

Loving the Inner Child

Many ideas for posts have come and gone recently and I just haven't the time to commit to documenting each one.  This one will round up a few of the goings-on neatly though.  We've had a little change around in the house and I am settling in as though we'd just moved house to a new and exciting place.  I've been planning a change for some time, but it didn't come as I expected it, which was to be some updating in the kitchen (still planned).

After a session at work which did not end as well as possible, I returned home reflecting on my current position and my true motivations.  Being a mother, this is nothing new, but more and more I have questioned my true path in life and whether this is just an inevitable conflict such as we all just have to work through, or whether it is something more, something I see myself as setting free from soon. 

That afternoon however, I needed something cathartic and immediate.  The idea popped into my head that we could change the bedrooms over, moving furniture and all, and that a new arrangement might actually relieve some of the space problems we had been living with for the last few years.  After measuring up, I saw that it would work well so I texted Raj to warn him that I'd just booked our Saturday for a thorough spring clean and movearound.  Fortunately, he had no objections.  (Pictures to follow soon, hopefully...)

So, we did it.  The children loved all the activity, and apparently the result too.  It struck me as rather odd that I hadn't jumped on the idea before.  Anyway, it is giving me a chance to nestle in and reflect on the changes within myself as well, to start to enjoy them more.  I am not sure whether that is particularly noticeable to anyone but me (apart from the cessation of hair dying revealing just how much grey hair I have), but I am certain that I do not wish to become more cynical with age, but instead, to bring more joy and love to all in my life.

To be able to do this fully and unconditionally, I need to let go of some old baggage that I have lugged around for a few decades.  I've been exploring ways of laying some of the groundwork in this myself before I embark on a serious commitment to psychotherapy.  (It may sound odd, but I am very excited about that prospect!)  The first exercise beyond all the reading is writing to my Inner Child (from a suggestion in "The Emotionally Absent Mother" by Jasmin Lee Cori).  I love writing letters, though sadly, very few people can find the time these days. This way, I can write myself a letter, full of love, and I know I will really appreciate it.  I even found some Raggedy Ann stationery from my childhood.  (If this makes uncomfortable reading for anyone, well, I'm fine with it.  I've never been a very private person anyway.)

Inspired by Poo

I would not have imagined writing a post about stepping in dog poo, but this is it.  William and I walked over to a friend's house this afternoon and had to do a fair amount of dog poo dodging along the way.  Unfortunately, he stepped in some and then expressed an interest in writing to the City Council to see if anything could be done about the problem.  Not wishing to stifle this impromptu interest in putting pen (or pencil) to paper, I sat with him to assist with spelling, aside from which, the following letter is entirely his own. 

It reads: 

                                                                          

“Dear Council, Please clean up the dog poo soon. Whitlock Family.”

Home schooling is full of surprises.  We are pretty much unschooling, so when my old schooled self starts having niggling doubts (usually when I'm feeling tired), William just does something that, frankly, amazes me.  Every child has their strengths and interests, and William's have become so much more apparent to me with my close observation over the past couple of months.  Writing letters, until recently, has not been one of them.  So, this one, although it is about poo, I will treasure.  (...a copy of... I am posting it tomorrow!)

Early Days

I'm not sure I should really be writing a post about William and HE after such a short time since deregistering, but I'm always eager to spill the beans when I get excited about something.  I have been immersing myself in my children's development in ways that I didn't think I had the energy, attention span and imagination to do and it is truly rewarding.  I have also been reading more books and blogs of others' experiences, meeting families and getting out a lot more.  Some things have started to emerge that are perhaps worth commenting on.

The first thing I noticed has been how much calmer and more cooperative William has been with more close time with me.  I wouldn't have described him as a particularly recalcitrant child, but we have had our fair share of battles, eg getting dressed in the morning, screen time, food.  Fairly typical.  Whereas these things haven't disappeared altogether, they aren't really battles anymore, maybe just reminders, and as he grows, increasingly a matter of agreement through consensus and respectful negotiation. A truly democratic household (...that is my aim!)

Everyone is happier, and apparently less stressed.  That has got to be a good thing, all around.  The pace of life is enjoyable, most of the time about right, and even when we are rushing, it doesn't feel like that feeling you get when you think you're going to miss your train (unless I have arranged an appointment for myself too early in the morning!).  One thing, after some years of career-seeking and training is that I do not want life with our young children to be a rush anymore, because this tender time passes too quickly as it is.  These outcomes can't be viewed in isolation, because we all feed off each other, and my increased calmness, contentedness will contribute to the children's wellbeing also. So, we help each other.

I feel less pressure to forgo an opportunity for a burst of learning when it arises because bedtime looms. We still have bedtime, but not so strict that it stifles that moment.

I am learning things I would not otherwise have bothered to look at too. And that doesn't even include the self reflection that becomes so habitual when we become parents, although Raj could not hold back when, whilst playing Seterra with William the other day, I momentarily forgot where Portugal was.

So, have there been any drawbacks? Maybe a few more parking charges because we go out more.  Though even the ticket machine on the Albert Dock malfunctioned the other day, and I paid only £2 for nearly a whole day's parking to visit Tate Liverpool.  HE does cost more, with all the potential activities there are, but parking or bus fares, tea and a flapjack in a museum is a lot more fun than a tenner a week for school lunches.  And, I am getting better at whole days out for little or no expense.

There are some differences in approach in executing this education business between myself and Raj.  I am more inclined to flow freely, and see value in a broader range of experiences as benefitting William's overall development.  I am a facilitator, and not really pedagogical.  Raj is pretty keen on the maths exercises and the phonics reading books.  We are doing it all now. 

So far, I've not had much direct experience of home ed detractors, though I'm sure it will come.  In fact, the friends I share the most like-mindedness with can see my vision and are very supportive, even if they aren't HE families themselves.  I just feel that William's education is just too precious to be left to chance, which is how it feels dropping him off at school each day.  This way, I can take things into my own hands and be there with him as he opens all those doors to learning himself.

Educating William

Friday night in.  I love my Friday nights in.  I love all my nights in.  I'm snuggled up in bed next to a sleeping baby, listening to something new - Julie Fowlis, Uam - and reading a couple of good books (Salt Sugar Smoke, Diana Henry and Playful Learning, Maria Bruehl).  It can't get much better than this, except maybe I could devour that Green and Black's Mint bar, but I've brushed my teeth now.  Oh well. Enough name dropping, let's get on with what I really want to say.

This week we have opened the door to a new way of being, a treasure trove of experiences and, quite possibly, a rollercoaster of emotions as well as an even messier house.  After our request for flexi-schooing William was turned down, a cloud descended on my heart and I have raked over every last brain cell in considering our options.  It was all or nothing; continue with the status quo or take the plunge and deregister William completely to home educate.  

Over the last few weeks there have been many open family discussions as well as quiet private discussions between William and me. We've thrashed out the merits, drawbacks, and issues particular to William's school itself that tip the balance for and against, from every possible angle.  Raj was doubtful, but finally agreed to let us give it a go. 

So, we've only just started but already it feels so liberating.  We spent Thursday learning some astronomy and went to a stargazing event at the World Museum, Liverpool.  William asked a thousand questions and I did my best to answer, and learned a few things myself in the process.  Today he's had a good play with some other HEers at a play centre after we did some maths together (his choice!) at home.  I met some interesting folk today.  One mum, I was astonished, remembered me from an HE meet in 2008 when William was a baby and I was exploring the idea and getting a feel for the HE community in Liverpool.  It is a small, but apparently thriving, diverse community who meet up regularly at various places to do some activity or other.

The school has offered to continue to be of support, so we are borrowing a stack of books because William's reading has really taken off.  Maintaining a link with the school will make things easier if and when the time comes for him to go back.  Initially, we've said we'd give HE a run for a term, or until Year 1 in September, but nothing is set in stone. 

The Blessingway Quilt

Aruna is 1 today.  Christmas dinner is cooking, courtesy of my dear husband this year.  We've had a relaxing day with stockings, gifts and good cheer all around.  And soon, we will remember her birthday too.  I've saved her gifts for the afternoon, so it will feel like a moment just for her on this special day.

My mother, the quilting artist, passed me Aruna's quilt about a month ago at her christening.  Wow, wow, wow, was all I could say.  She has incorported the fabric scraps that my friends gave me at the Blessingway, 1 year ago, as well as her own fabrics to make a sun bonnet quilt that I, and hopefully Aruna, will treasure for the rest of her days.  One of the fabric scraps was actually a strip of labels, that she sent off to the important and closest relatives to write a message on for Aruna.  These have been incorporated into the back of the quilt, along with a tiny soft blanket from my hynobirthing practitioner that just couldn't be cut up.

The result is just gorgeous:

the front 'sun bonnets'

the back, quilted soft baby blanket

the back, labels from all of us

A Difficult Decision

I've come up against a few hurdles trying to arrange home schooling for William for 1 day a week.  The head teacher at his school is very supportive of the idea, which has been very encouraging, because 1 day a week will give us a good balance.  It will satisfy my need to be closer to my son while he is still so young, and he will benefit by more daytime one-to-one with me, yet he will still spend most of his week socialising at school.  And, I've got all these ideas about what we can do together that just aren't really possible at the end of a school day.

Up to now, progress had been glacial.  I first brought up the idea with the head teacher on the first day of term in early September. Initially, I think she was quite surprised - it was an unusual request.  However, we had a few meetings to discuss things, and she could see where I was coming from and was won over.  We even left things on one occasion where she would investigate the possibility using an 'educated off-site' code to apply to his attendance. 

Attendance.  That's the big issue.  The school's, that is.  They have problems keeping their numbers up, despite 'interventions'.  I'm guessing this is something to do with the catchment area and pupil mix.  Now, I don't fully understand schools in England.  There are so many different kinds now: state, voluntary aided, grammar, and so on.  Our Lady of the Immaculate is a voluntary aided Catholic primary school, so, as far as I understand it, they are answerable to the local authority and the board of governors.  So, my wishes have been vetoed by the Attendance Officer, and the governers weren't too keen either.  The ironic thing is that William's attendance is likely to be very high: he is not often very poorly, and we never take him out just on a whim.  Also, they don't have the resources to monitor what we are doing, despite my idea to keep a portfolio with pictures, projects, evidence of our activities.  I did scrunch up my eyebrows at this point.  The idea of monitoring seems a bit Big Brotherish.   

So, they can't officially sanction it.  It is a disappointing outcome, especially as I had understood that flexi-schooling was an agreement between the school and the parent, and not really anything to do with the local authority.  A shame because it looked like there was going to be a good partnership between parent and school.

As I had been worrying that this might happen, the prospect of home schooling full-time has crossed my mind several times recently.  It's a decision I've been grappling with because William is clearly enjoying his experience at school and is flourishing.  His teacher is so kind, exactly what I'd hoped for for him in his first year there.  And, I lack the full support of my dear husband on completely de-registering.  So, back to square one.  How can we capture those precious moments, steeped in learning together in these tender early years when, too quickly, the weeks slip by with the obligatory routines and schedule of life?

The Squirrel Mentality

It is a curious mixture of envy and empathy that I feel when I think of those people who just have five versions of the same outfit so there is no time wasted deciding what to wear and something clean each day.  Luxury.  It's not that I really have trouble deciding what to wear anymore though; these days, I just wear the same thing for five days.  The underwear drawer only needs to be opened about 2 inches because the top 5 or 6 pairs just get recycled.  I cannot remember what lurks deeper in the drawer, let alone when I last wore any of it.

Since space is such a premium here, I could always open the drawer a bit further, take out everything that is beyond 2 inches deep and throw it out.  I obviously don't need any of it to survive day to day.  If I did that to all the drawers in the chest (the same thing happens to a greater or lesser degree in each of the others), I could just then amalgamate everything into one drawer, and maybe, perhaps just put away some clutter, or better yet, enjoy the lightness of the drawers as I open them, their uncrammedness.  Sigh.  Unfortunately, it would only be a matter of time before they just filled up again.

I was never that good at clearing things out, being raised by a war-born hoarder, make-do-and-mender.  This does present a dilemma for me.  Whilst there is something I love about making do and mending, I am quickly overwhelmed by the creeping presence of clutter.  In recent times, I have become better at throwing out, but now have even less time and space to to it because of the demands of the children and family life.  So, every day is a dance of reordering, half-finished consolidating and picking it up and putting it down again after thinking the better (or worse) of it.  Yes, I can use that cardboard fruit pastilles tube (for some unspecified children's craft project).  No, I have looked at it 25 times lying there, nagging at me to be decisive about its fate.

[No photo this time - who wants to look at clutter?!]

My squirrel mother always said to me that as soon as you throw it out (even if you haven't worn/used it for 20 years) you'll think of a use for it the next day.  Now, there are flaws to this kind of guilt-inducing reasoning.  One is that of course you'll think of a use because you've just been reminded of its presence in the cupboard when, if you had just given permission to a trusted spouse/friend/etc to throw anything from said bag/container out without giving you so much as a chance at a glance, then you'd have, quite happily, remained none the wiser.  The other flaw is that it possibly stifles creativity because, if said item is just so perfect for x/y/z, that doesn't allow you the freedom to consider what alternatives you do have that CAN be put to good use.

The squirrel oft chirrups "a place for everything and everything in its place".  Sadly, the reality is more like "a thing for every other thing and everything squeezed in between 2 other things".  When I do have the rare occasion to go through some bursting nook or cranny, I rediscover some previous efforts at consolidation lying therein and spend a moment marvelling at how times and needs change, and even values, and the sometimes mind-boggling processes I went through once upon a time deciding to stow away such paraphernalia.

My dear husband is a passive accumulator of things (by passive, I mean, just genuinely inattentive to disposal and order with the daily trappings of life), whereas I am cursed (genetically) to be the active one.  This is very dangerous, since we took on our rented garage to give us more flexibility with the space constraints in the house.  "But it's a wonderful restoration project", I squeal, when in fact, if I really look around, there is a wonderful restoration project around every corner and I could afford to let this one go.  Maybe.

Freedom is that moment when I can simultaneously say "to hell with it" and throw it out and reconcile myself to being more creative with what's left over, turning that guilt into inner peace.

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NB The strong caveat throughout here is of minimal waste to landfill, "throwing out" being a general term for passing on, recycling, giving to charity, making a concerted effort to use up, or if all else fails, committing to waste.  My newest challenge is how to maintain inner peace and household harmony and use the bin less. I am uncomfortable knowing that most of what we throw in the bin will long outlast us in landfill, in some cases, by hundreds of years.  That is a sobering thought.

No More 'Poo

For 30-odd years, I have been wedded to shampoo and never thought anything different about it.  Well, actually, I do remember wondering how hippy folk with dreadlocks who said "hair cleans itself" managed, when what I saw didn't seem so "clean".  Being somewhat crunchy nowadays myself, although dreadlocks wouldn't really suit me, I am enjoying departing from the flock in so many areas of life and, dare I say it, feel like shouting about it from the rooftops! 

* * * * I've given up shampoo! * * * *

If that has the ring of someone hailing their lost vice, it is for good reason.  My hair feels great!  (Who was it that said the recently converted shout the loudest?!) 

Being rather sheepish in my ways, I am often wary of trying something new and drastic until I've seen what happens to others first.   After considering it for some time (the Contemplation stage*), I have taken a leaf or two from other no-poo-ers' experiences and finally gone ahead.


I haven't used shampoo for about a month now, hopefully long enough to make an objective assessment of the results.  But first, it may help to provide a bit of background as to the thought processes I've been through to get to this stage.

Once upon a time, I worked in a molecular laboratory, where we used SDS (or SLS: sodium lauryl sulphate), a detergent found in most shampoo, shower gels etc, in DNA extractions to lyse the cells (ie break them open!).  It is an efficient oil-stripper, and an irritant, so, not having the sort of job where I smear myself with major grease and dirt everyday, I began to ask myself why we were using this on our bodies.  After a trial and error process over some years, I had settled on using Dead Sea Spa Magik mineral shampoo as it was the only one I could use that wouldn't exacerbate the seborrhoeic dermatitis that I've been mildly bothered by for a long time.  (And it isn't made by Unilever! Yay!)  It is actually a really nice shampoo, with many agreeable ingredients, although having long hair, I had to use a tonne of it to get a full lather.  It doesn't contain SLS, but it does contain a surfactant derived from coconut, so will have some oil dispersing properties, although thankfully not akin to the likes of Fairy Liquid.  It is more expensive than ordinary shampoo.  So, on my life-simplifying and naturifying journey, it is another product I have consigned to the what-you-can-LIVE-without pile.

Reading around, the most popular natural alternative to shampoo seems to be bicarbonate of soda.  So, I bought myself a large bag (3 kg actually).  I calculated that this should last approximately 1 year, and cost less than £10.  (And, it has many other household uses......)

The Basic Method


1) Add 1 T bicarb to a squeezy bottle (an ordinary used squeezy shampoo bottle would also do, but you might have trouble getting the powder in if the hole is small) while in shower/bath (or maybe before your hands get wet)
2) Get your hair all wet
3) Add ~1 cup water to your bicarb and give it a good shake
3) Squirt all over your roots and give your scalp a good massage.
4) Rinse

I tried making it before I got into the shower one day, but by the time I came to wash my hair, the solution had cooled down - so, unless you want a sitz bath on your head, add the warm water just before using it.  Having long hair, I also found I needed to use more like 1.5 T (20-25 ml) in a bit more than 1 cup H2O, but I am still experimenting with slight alterations to concentrations and volumes. 

Initial Results

For the first week or two, my scalp went through an oil rebalancing process.  My hair felt a bit straw-like and the midlengths were sticky and felt unclean.  I began to wonder what the heck I was doing, but things soon improved and my confidence was renewed.  Then I began to use some vinegar to add condition and shine.  The recipe is basically as above, although I use slightly less than 1 T vinegar because it can lead to increased greasiness.  Many no poo-ers are using apple cider vinegar, although I am not sure what the advantages are over basic distilled malt vinegar except perhaps its naturalness.

My hair, washed about 3 days ago:

It looks and feels fine.  The next part of my hair story will be a celebration of GREY!  Or, in my case, white.  I am also giving up hair colouring because I am fed up of the maintenance now that the ageing process is well underway.  Meanwhile, if anyone knows of any good natural violet rinses to tone down yellowness in the coloured sections of my dyed white hair, please let me know.


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*I refer to the Transtheoretical Model of Change here because, although somewhat more benign than smoking or drinking alcohol, washing my hair is something other than conventional shampoo has been a big step for me to take.

The Thinking Chair

William has gotten off to a very good start at his new school.  I never had any doubt that he would, although I did feel some trepidation (for myself) at this new form of parting.  School has changed since I was young, evidently. So far, I am seeing positive changes.  I know he is only in Reception, but there seems to be so much more freedom for children to follow their interests as they emerge in each moment and for the teachers to facilitate that.  It is less didactic and rigid, thank goodness.  And, there are only 22 in his class.

I have conferred with the Head Teacher about the possibility of flexi-schooling, one day a week.  She is a warm, calm personality, and my brief conversations with her have contributed to my optimism about the future at the school.  She was possibly a little bit surprised by my idea though, and I sensed, very slightly disappointed, though she didn't show it.  She had come across the idea before, and agreed to look into things from her side, while I did my best to reassure her that this was not due to any doubt about him having an enriching experience at the school.  I envisage that we will do things to complement any themes they might be exploring at school.  I want to be an integral part of his learning experience, to share with him and spend that time with him while he is so young, that hopefully, when he is all grown up, we will both look back on and remember with joy.  (I always seem to be projecting myself far into the future and imagining myself looking back, but please, be assured, I do my best to live in the present!)

So, at the end of each day, we talk about how his day has gone.  The other evening, he told me about the Thinking Chair.  This got my full attention.  It is a place for children to go and sit when they have done something naughty, he said.  So they can think about what they've done.  He also said he didn't want to sit on the Thinking Chair, he wanted to be a good boy.  *gulp* *raised eyebrows*

"Do you think it is a good idea?" I said.  Evidently, he was all for it.

Then he told me about the "Star of the Day".  This is basically the opposite of the Thinking Chair.  When someone has been very "good", ie showing an act of kindness, done all the tidying up, etc, they may be nominated Star of the Day. 

We had a discussion about the merits of these behaviour modification tools, well, as much as one can have with a 4 year-old who is already a total convert, apparently.  He even asked if we could have them at home too.  I thought about this for more than a moment.  Perhaps we actually could?  But we would use them slightly differently.  Anyone at home could be Star of the Day, but it would be more like paying a complement to them, rather than it having to be earned by doing a good deed.  So, we could have a special chair, where the someone could be showered with praise and admiration by everyone else, a sort-of feel-good, ego-bolstering zone.  And, as far as the Thinking Chair is concerned, that could also be a place where one would go voluntarily after a moment of strife (including grown-ups).  So, for now, carrots are to remain in the fridge and sticks (even psychological ones) will stay in the yard.

Reduce, Re-Use, Recycle IV

PLASTIC

Recently, I have been pondering on whether it would be possible to eliminate plastic from our lives.  Alas, I have to concede that complete elimination seems impossible, so, for now, I'll settle for a full-scale reduction.  It has been a busy fortnight for me, with visitors, and William starting school, but I've found myself thinking hard about the different areas of our lives where we are consuming plastic and feel I am poised to take a plunge into a radical change, even if it is executed in a bit-by-bit manner. 

For a while, I have already been working on a couple of areas, such as toiletries and toys.  I always hated loads of plastic bottles lying around in the bathroom - ugly, ugly, ugly - in part, due to a desire for a more natural way of caring for my skin/body/hair and that of the children, and also, in part, due to a general cynicism about the way a small number of very large corporations would like us to believe we need all these things just to stay alive in the modern world.  So, paring down in that area has been relatively easy, and I'm fizzing with ideas about making our own soap, ditching shampoo for baking soda and maybe changing to henna and indigo for colouring my hair.  (More on these coming soon....) 

I've started having conversations with William about plastic toys, especially battery-operated ones.  To get him used to the idea, make it a family philosophy.  I have rarely, if ever, bought new plastic toys for him, preferring natural materials, and, for heaven's sake, normal, everyday objects that a child would find interesting.  (Do they really need toys?  An argument for another day, perhaps.)  I do buy second-hand toys, and inevitably, more of these are plastic.  I have several leftover from my own childhood, which, in a way, is a particularly nice form of recycling and I probably won't part with these in a hurry.


But, a somewhat larger challenge that we are to face is in the kitchen.  And I don't mean cling film and sandwich bags, because we hardly ever use those.  I mean this:

This is an example of how slack (aka 'convenience') things have gotten in the grocery aisle.  This particular supermarket seems to have a lot of prepackaged items, and, for the purposes of this blog, this illustration is slightly exceptional for us.  We buy loose where possible, but if we order in, there is an even larger mountain of plastic to wade through before we find the carrot at the bottom.  Cucumber doesn't need to be shrink-wrapped!  Why not use punnets made of card or other compostable material for the soft fruits?  Actually, the bag containing carrots, in this case, is compostable, but nothing else is.  And, why, oh why are so many different types of plastic used - LDPE, PET, PP, HDPE, polystyrene, and other unidentifiable materials - making recycling so difficult?  We are currently only able to put HDPE into our doorstep recycling.  My angry side wants to just take it all, after saving it up for several months of course, and dump it on the supermarket forecourt!  So, our purchasing strategies are going to take a turn for the better, more socially responsible and community-spirited as we support more local small businesses and direct ourselves into a new way of feeding ourselves.  (NB This is all while the allotment is in a more, er, quiescent phase during Aruna's first year.)

Some well-timed inspiration came recently when I came across the blog of another family who have already taken that plunge.

Ultimately, a huge amount of plastic ends up floating in the oceans' gyres as ever-shrinking particulate matter, entering the food chain at the lowest levels, and, ultimately, our own bodies, higher up.  So, what we thought we threw away....  I am of the mindset that it should be difficult, a privilege, to get extra packaging like this, but sadly, it is the opposite - unwanted, wasteful and will contribute to a global legacy that will haunt us, I'm sure, for decades to come.

Friends, Dreams and Ideals

A rare quiet moment at home.  Aruna asleep next to me, William, Raj and Matt (visiting for Raj's birthday) are gone to the supermarket for supplies.  We have lots of social engagements at the moment, in addition to domestic ones.  The diary does keep me alert where I would otherwise be content to live simple, quiet days at home with the children.   It is probably due to the children that many diary entries are present.   I speak of these dates in a detached manner just now because I don't want to touch them, see them, hear them, I am so enjoying the peaceful near-solitude.  Really I am a very social creature, I just fancy myself a reclusive little hermit because it never lasts long (and is therefore, all the more desirable?).

I have treasured all the visitings, hugs and smiles that we have been blessed with of late.  Friends' weddings, meeting children for the first time, reunions, and catching up.  The summer has rewarded us, if not with the weather.   At some point, this little era will end and a new one begin.  In less than two weeks, William starts school.   It will be like my quiet moment just now, a moment passed, as I hear the voices floating up from downstairs and my reverie interrupted.  Then I will look back and say, that was how it was.

My little boy is going to school.   Where has that time gone.   I am excited and nervous for him.   Just why I feel this way, I'm not sure, because he's already been to two nursery schools and seems completely nonplussed by it all.  Probably to do with him growing up and growing away from me.  I am eager to explore the possibility of flexi-schooling, or, home schooling part-time (really, in our case, probably more unschooling).  I have an ideology and am keen to experience it all with William, the good and the bad, at least one day a week if I can.   Or maybe it will just be a continuation of life as it is at present.  (There are so many reasons I feel keen to do this - and, for all you cynics, benefits to doing this - that perhaps I should dedicate a whole post just to them.)

Autumn approaches and I always get excited about the prospect of a new term starting.  I don't know exactly where this came from because my own experience of school was so variable.   I do remember particularly enjoying stocking up on school stationery and feeling the cooler weather drawing in.  Of course, it's not all about the stationery, but one can do so much with a pencil and paper.  Write.  Draw.  Create!  I do know that I love learning and this opportunity to guide, facilitate and share in my children's experiences of learning about life and the world is a wonderful obligation bestowed upon me because I am a mother.

We have talked a lot about other dreams, our dreams for the future.  We were very surprised to learn that our friend Matt also wants to build a house and make it energy self-sufficient.  I have not posted about this before, and this topic is definitely worth a post, or maybe even a whole new blog, of its own.  Watch this space...  The dream of the eco-build is strengthening and taking on new meaning every day.

Cute Crafts and Humble Repairs

I've recently been learning to crochet and I have to say - I LOVE IT!  I am now having visions of myself beavering away with balls of yarn for hours on end over years to come.  Well, maybe more like snatching a few minutes here and there until the children leave home.

I happen to have a soft spot for baby legwarmers and they are so useful for keeping baby warm on colder days in the sling. I found a simple pattern on the web here and made up a pair for Aruna in baby alpaca with the addition of an extra cuff at the bottom.

 

Make Do and Mend


My mum was visiting recently, and since we are both lovers of needlecraft, we were hatching a plan to go to the big sale at the local haberdashery which started at 6 pm on a Wednesday.  Now 6 pm in our house is crazy time.  We all sit down to dinner, then it's bathtime for the children, baby massage, storytime, bedtime, sigh, flop, zzzzzz.  Ok, sometimes I try to stay awake!  Aruna is 6 months old now.  As such, she sleeps a little loner at night, and occasionally I dare to catch up on a few jobs after she's tucked up in bed.  So, as it happened, the children were in bed in good time, and I had my first 'night out'!  To the sale at the haberdashery.  In my t-shirt with food wiped on the shoulder.  Not stopping to look twice in the mirror, mum and I jumped in the car and sped off to the store, only a few minutes away.  We were only gone for an hour, during which Raj was under strict instructions to keep a close watch on Aruna, and it was very strange leaving her, but I had a wonderful time, and spent too much money.  It was too good to miss though, and I got quite a lot of gorgeous yarn and some lovely print cotton fabrics to satisfy all the ideas that keep bubbling up in my head. 

The first of which was a humble repair of an old favourite cardigan.  I wonder how many people would bother to mend a holey cardigan nowadays...  It is cashmere though, so it was worth it.  The elbows were worn through, so I had taken to wearing it with the sleeves rolled up.  The pictures below don't really do the colour much justice, but I am now happy to say the cardigan is, once again, in regular use.  I just have to find that missing button next....